Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I want her autograph on my taint
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
