I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
