I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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