Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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