If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
