I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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