i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
