so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
