my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
