"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
