his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
