Im at strip club and am horny
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
