Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
