She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
