piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
