Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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