I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My vagina is officially offended.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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