ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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