My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
