I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
