yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
