we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
