no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
