Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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