Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
