It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize