I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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