i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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