the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize