mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
