I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
