You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
