OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
