it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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