My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
