Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
