Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
