Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
