you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize