I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
