Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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