brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
