I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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