how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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