Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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