lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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