I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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