so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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