I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
