i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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