Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
