I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
