cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize