Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
