why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
