My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
