Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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