So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
