these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
