the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
