I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
