I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
