you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
