The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
