We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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