Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize