remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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