it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
