Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Everyone says I win the strip club
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh god it's open bar.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
