I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
