You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
