i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
