I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
