So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
