I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
