see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
