I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
