Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i drank out of a bidet.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
