I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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