Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
