i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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