We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
