i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
