shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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