I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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