Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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