I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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