i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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