So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
