I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
