when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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