I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize