Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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