I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize