Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Actions speak louder than pants.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just had sex on a roof
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
