I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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