I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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