Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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