Can i not drive my cunt home
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize