Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
