he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
