You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
