good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it's great music for shaving your balls
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
