I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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